Fifteen Saints for Girls

Back in the day Dubuque could boast of a predominantly Catholic population, apropos for a region whose first glimpse was through the eyes of a two missionaries, one a Franciscan and the other a Jesuit, meandering down the Mississippi in 1673. I wonder if they had any idea of the havoc their religion would wreak on the lives of many a young child.

Fast forward to 1964. The Catholic Church has yet to emerge from the Second Vatican Council. A good thing if you were a student at Nativity School because the longer it took, the more candy bars involved.  You see, every time Bishop Biscuit (actually Biskup but I was just a kid ) arrived back from his important business in Rome he would treat the entire school to Salted Nut Rolls. I kid you not.

Around this time I was delegated the most sacred of tasks--figuring out my Confirmation handle. In 1964 this meant using venerable saints names only. Now, mind you, you can use derivatives of names, or better yet, a non-Christian name if it has significant meaning for a candidate. Maybe its a good thing this wasn't allowed back then; I can imagine Sister Mary Teresita's reaction to  "Ringo".  I don't think that one would have gone over too good.

Saint Rose of Lima
Virgin   

Fortunately for me my sister Dawn maintained an astonishing array of Catholic paraphernalia. Rosaries, holy cards, statues; you name it she either owned it or had connections to procure it. What better source than "Fifteen Saints for Girls" to find a suitable saint to back me up in my hour of need. The saint's  name I chose to add to my given and baptismal names: Saint Rose of Lima (Lima as in Peru, not lima as in bean). Never mind that her given name was Isabel (aka Rose after a servant claimed to have seen her face morph into a rose). Her claim to celestial fame: extreme fasting and self-mutilating behaviors. She purportedly disfigured herself with lye due to her highly regarded beauty; also other acts which I will not go into for reasons you may surmise. Were we actually taught to look to these saints of yore as, God forbid, role models?  What the hell were they thinking? What the hell was anyone thinking?

I left behind the trappings of Catholicism long, long ago. But every now and then I get a flash from the past or a jeer from the here (whenever I go down Central Avenue past Planned Parenthood) My kids have been brought up differently and have fared well even though they missed out on all that pope-inspired hocus- pocus mumbo-jumbo of my childhood. Amen